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User talk:ExerciseDancefloors
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Real Aliens page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 18:12, April 14, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:14, April 14, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Here is a copy of your story. That being given, there is a lot of work to be done here before the story is up to quality standards and you still need to make an appeal with a revised version before it can be re-uploaded. Starting with the basics, the story is all contained in one large paragraph. A typical paragraph should be 5-10 sentences. Any more and it comes off as blocky. Wording issues ("A hand rests upon your back to awaken you from your slumber, and a another (sic) removes your blindfold"), grammatical (it's=it is, its=possession " it's head or", "any of it's limbs,", "It will raise it's hand", "The being will remove it's hand", etc.), and plot issues. Story issues: A lot of your story feels like it's glossing over details. "You know how everyone portrays aliens, right? (Details of how aliens are portrayed are missing, and as there's a pretty wide range of depictions here, this feels like an oversight.) Well, just about every depiction of actual aliens couldn't be further from the truth." Then there are the plot issues: How exactly does one get heard in a soundproof room? How exactly can the narrator explain everything especially when some paths lead to permanent isolation? ("This hallway stretches on forever, and you may never leave, as the door behind you will be locked.", another which leads to a hellscape, and one path results in your memories being erased.) It doesn't make sense that all of these possibilities would be known if the people who experience them don't remember, can communicate, or don't survive the experience. Story issues cont.: The steps to performing the ritual also feel off. How exactly does complete isolation result in contact with aliens? Why haven't people in isolation tanks encountered aliens as the steps are fairly similar as well. Finally, what incentive is there for performing this ritual? The outcomes all seem to be pretty detrimental and there isn't any real talk of why this ritual should be performed in the first place. "Your only thoughts thereafter will be of food, sleep, and water. You will remain this way for the rest of your life, and you will no longer be seen or referenced by anyone ever again." It feels like you started in with a ritual pasta involving aliens and then really didn't flesh out the steps to perform the ritual or the endgame for practicing this idea. The story needs a lot of re-working and fleshing out to fix these issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:36, April 14, 2016 (UTC)